


Just for Tonight

by starbuck1101



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Adoption, Break Up, F/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 03:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16380314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbuck1101/pseuds/starbuck1101
Summary: Post I want to Believe, Pre Season 10, another break up story.





	Just for Tonight

Her brother had left so he had finally exited the study. Having been there most of the afternoon and the majority of her brother’s visit. He felt guilty that he was happy and relieved that Bill had gone, as he walked into their living space and saw her cleaning up, he could read the tension all over her body. She seemed pissed? Maybe, sad? Definitely.

“Are they gone?” He asked because he didn’t know what else to say.

“Yeah.” She said, short. She was tough with the plates and silverware, taking them out of the dishwasher. Her brother and his family never did leave without helping clean up. She was angry that they did, she needed something to do besides look at Mulder and the discontent in his eyes. She slammed a cabinet—hard.

“Scully…” he was toeing the line between very angry and very sad.

“What Mulder? What?!” Scully finally turned and looked at him. Fury in her eyes, tears on her cheeks. He hadn’t realized she’d been crying. He hadn’t realized a lot of things recently. 

Her crying didn’t affect him like it used to, it used to be he couldn’t stand to see a tear fall from the eyes of his strong woman. Now, it barely affected him. What was happening to him?

“I’m sorry your brother left.” He offered his lame apology.

“Yeah, me too. I hadn’t seen him or his family in two years, and they left, two days before they were meant to. They left 2 hours after they got here….you couldn’t even try for more than 30 minutes.” She threw the accusation in the air, he caught it as he crossed over that line and ran towards angry.

“I’m sorry that his disdain for me is bigger than his want to see you.” Her eyes went wide, she clearly was not expecting him to be combative. This weekend was definitely not going how it was meant to go. She’d made so many plans: pay a visit to the farmer’s market in the morning to get things for a barbeque which they would have in their backyard on the grill she had gotten him a year ago that had yet to be used. The kids would play in the huge yard with some bike’s she had found at a second hand store while the adults would sip on adult drinks that she’d gotten recipe’s for off the internet. Sunday she would take her brother and his family to her church and show him—and them—how she’d managed to be a part of a community, people knew her here and appreciated her. Then they’d go for brunch at her favorite place in town before her brother and his family took off. 

BUT…none of that had happened. Her brother had showed up, Mulder hadn’t even showered, as he saw Bill, Tara and the kids, walk through the door, he’d nodded a short hello at them and locked himself in the study. She’d hoped that he’d hide for a bit, gather his bearings, and come out and socialize, or at least try to, but that never happened. She’d showed her nephews and brother to the backyard and poured Tara and herself very generous cups of wine and they made their way to the front porch.

Noting her discomfort, and never being one to beat around the bush, Tara asked, “Dana, I’m worried about you, are you ok?” She said placing a gentle hand on her knee.

“I’m….ok” She thought about it, she had hesitated, but although she felt lonelier that she had ever felt, and although her significant other forgot she lived in the same house, they were together, and both alive, and that had to be enough.

“You know, it’s ok to not be ok. You can confide in me.” Tara reassured her sister in law.

“I know, I know I can.” Scully broke eye contact and searched the short drive for courage to seek advice from a friend.

“We wanted to be here this weekend with you. I don’t know how hard it is, and I don’t want to pretend like I know, but it was important for your brother and me to be here with you.” It was William’s birthday that Sunday. She only pretended to forget. He will be turning 14.

“I appreciate the distraction, I really do, I….we…don’t really discuss him, and it’s nice to be able to talk about him out loud with someone who knew him, even if for a short time.” She exhaled, “Hell, even I only knew my son for a short time.” She wiped at a sneaky tear that had escaped her eyes. She held her sister in law’s hand and squeezed it in gratitude. “I miss him every day, it’s a part of me that’s been lost forever and I’ll never get back.” She smiled a sad smile.

Just then, her brother came through the door to join them on the porch. Just then, Mulder was heard going through the house, opening and shutting doors—loudly. It wasn’t concerning in a violent way, it was more of anger in a hissy fit kind of way. This continued on for 10 minutes, before the silence gave in. Bill could read his sister like a book and saw that she was trying her best to hold it together. “He’s had a rough time these last few years, I ….he’s getting help.” That was a lie, she begged him to see a psychiatrist, to get help, he’d just scoff at her.

“Dana, we’re here because we missed you and because we wanted to spend the weekend—this weekend—with you, but, I don’t want to make your life harder.” Her brother said. “I don’t think he’s comfortable with us being here, I can understand why, I’ve always been an asshole to him, and he’s in his every right to do whatever the hell he wants in his house, but I will not make your life harder.” She looked at him, not sure if she needed to say anything, she knew more was coming, “I think the best thing for us to do is go grab a room at a hotel nearby and see how tomorrow goes? We’ll touch base tomorrow and see how things are, if they’re not better, we can just hang out elsewhere. Ok?”

And with that, they had left. 

 

 

“Mulder, it took me weeks to get ready for this visit. I fixed up the two extra rooms, I bought toys for the boys, I bought towels, I bought bathroom accessories for the bathroom we never use because we never have visitors, I was excited, for once, I was excited, and you couldn’t see that! You still can’t! I’m asking you again—please get help, this is not you.”

“Scully, I don’t need to see anyone, I’m unfixable, and don’t be all high and mighty when you know goddamned well why I’m like this.” He wanted to hurt her, he wanted her to hurt like he hurt.

“What are you talking about?” her eyes were wild, she hoped to God that what she thought he was saying wasn’t what he was actually saying.

“The only good thing that’s happened to me, the only good thing I’ve ever done, and you gave him away like a piece of trash, he is the most valuable thing I ever had a part of and I didn’t get a chance to know him.” He spat it out, he started thinking these things some months back, he didn’t know why. Buried in the back of his mind he knew that this wasn’t something she did because she wanted, or something she did out of spite, it was the hardest thing she’d ever done, but now… now, he blamed her, for all of it.

She tried to keep her tears at bay but there was no holding them back, she chocked back a sob. “Mulder,” she started but he interrupted.

“No, Scully, no, you keep telling me to get help, you keep wanting to fix me. This is me, I’m not fixable, you only want me subdued so you don’t feel so guilty about what you’ve done to me.”

“Mulder.” She repeated again, through sobs now, “Listen to what you’re saying right now.” She was outright sobbing, loudly, all of her stress, all of her frustration was coming at her all at once.

“I meant to say this for years now, but I guess I just now grew the balls to say it.” Anger seeping through his skin, he felt like there was another man trapped inside of him, trying desperately to stop him from hurting her, but he had that man locked up in a cage, deep, deep inside.

She grabbed the back of a chair and leaned on it, when she felt her legs would go out from under her, she walked around the chair and sat on it, elbows on her thighs, hands on her face. Her entire body was shaking. She felt like the tears would never cease. She heard a door shut and knew immediately that he’d gone back to his study. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, this house was suffocating her. 

She’d given half of her life to this man, and she never thought they’d get to this point. The door slam was like a light being turned on somewhere in her mind. She rushed upstairs, tears still pouring out of her eyes, grabbed her suitcase from the closet on top of the stairs and headed for her closet. She poured and poured clothes, bathroom essentials, shoes, whatever she could fit in the suitcase, and she walked out of the room, down the stairs, out of the house and into her car as fast as she could. If she stopped to think, she wouldn’t be able to do this, if he came out of that room with another round of apologies she wouldn’t be able to do this. She loved this man, but she had to love her sanity a little more. Just for tonight, she thought, just for tonight. Tomorrow will be better.


End file.
